When Dreams And Reality Collide
by yllektra
Summary: Jeremy loves Vicky, against all odds, against fate, against the world


**Title:** When Dream And Reality Collide  
**Fandom:** The Vampire Diaries  
**Rating:** PG  
**Disclaimer:** I don't own anything! :P  
**Characters/Pairings:** Jeremy-centric (pov), Jeremy/Vicky  
**Spoilers/Warnings:**About Jeremy's feelings regarding Vicky, their situation and how life can consume them...

**Summary:**_Your words were birds. Colorful and beautiful, yet fleeting.  
Their song, the most beautiful I had ever heard; had me mesmerized.  
Your words were birds, but like birds they flew away at the first sight of danger._

**Word Count:** 1540

**Author's Notes:** I am a sucker for doomed romances or rather for love that doesn't come easy and Jeremy/Vicky surely comes with a lot of angst :P And I live for the angst! :)  
_~ English is not my native language, so excuse any crappiness and/or mistakes!  
This was my very first Vampire Diaries fanfiction so please be lenient!_

**When Dream And Reality Collide**

Nobody sees me anymore. I feel almost invisible. Almost...

Invisible for all intents and purposes other than to accuse me for something or put their hate on me…

It wasn't always like that.

I was happy once.

I was normal.

I had a life just like everyone else.

I had a mother and a father who loved me. I had a future.

But then they were all taken away from me.

Abruptly and cruelly. In only an instant.

Funny how things can change in one fleeting second.

It seems that my life as I knew it, my happiness were just the last few grains of sand in a sand glass that had to be turned upside down soon. And so it was.

Nobody understands how it feels. Nobody remembers.

But I remember. That's all I ever do.

Nobody can know how it feels.

I went from happy to heartbroken faster than I could scream "_No! God No!"_ and I screamed again and again, but it made no difference.

When I looked into the mirror after that, after we put them in the ground, it wasn't me I saw. It was a boy tormented and fragmented with no cohesion among my broken pieces anymore. I saw grief and despair.

They said it would get better with time, but it didn't and as days went by I felt more and more empty.

Less full of love -my parents' love - and hope.

Even my sister, whom I looked up to, was unable, insufficient to sustain me.

Maybe I am weak, I don't know, but I never realized just how much, till I saw pity in their eyes. All of their eyes…

"_Hey, that's Jeremy. His parents died in that car accident. Poor guy!"_

Their words followed me along the school corridors and I could feel the shameful weight of their stares long after I had left school- that's why I rarely went there anymore.

And that weight combined with the one I already carried in my soul was too unbearable, too much for my shoulders. Am I too proud?

The people I normally went to when things got bad, my friends were the same, their arms open for me. But I was different.

They were the same… But their eyes, their eyes which regarded me with compassion, were something I didn't want to see anymore.

Even if I tried to forget my loss, it was there in their eyes in the way they looked at me… Their pity.

Or maybe it wasn't their pity I saw; maybe it was my reflection I saw in their eyes. The reflection of a devastated and pitiful boy.

So, you see, I had to stop looking, stop seeing and the drugs helped me with that. With them, I stopped looking, my eyes kept to the ground and soon enough the crowd around me scattered.

Who wants to hang out with junkies anyways? It was just as well.

It was hard to be sad when you felt numb, when the drug run through your veins like hot oblivion; pouring under your skin like chocolate.

I'd try anything. Any pill, any shape, any size, any color, texture, taste..

It didn't matter to me if it was sweet, sour or bitter.

I couldn't taste anything else than my failure and my death anyways, so it made no difference.

Little by little on my own accord, I was slowly pushed to the margins, where shadows dwelled. It felt comforting there.

It was dark, so dark that I couldn't see myself. I didn't have to.

Nobody cared and it wasn't long before that same darkness consumed me and I almost became one with it.

People walked past me now, without turning to look at me.

They didn't pause to listen to me when I spoke or tried to speak.

They didn't pat me on the back when I succeeded in doing something.

I rarely completed anything; there was no point.

I was already finished.

They didn't offer to hug me when I felt like crying because no one was next to me.

So my tears dried on their own, sometimes long after they had reached my heart.

But all that changed when I saw you. When I laid my tired eyes on your face, your smile brighter than the sun and lighter than a feather, everything was different. Because for once in my life after my tragedy, Vicky, you looked back at me and more than that. You saw me.

You saw me and it felt deeper than that.

Like you saw right through me, your gaze piercing but not judgmental, profound but not probing, looking into me, sizzling, and it felt like a blanket around my heart keeping it warm and safe. Nursing it back to health.

You mended my broken heart.

I can say it to myself but not out loud, because it'd make you laugh and when you laugh you can be mean and take my safety away.

Your words were birds. Colorful and beautiful, yet fleeting.

Their song, the most beautiful I had ever heard; had me mesmerized.

Your words were birds, but like birds they flew away at the first sight of danger.

You cared for me, you said.

You saw me for who I really was, you took my hand and with a pill in both our mouths we took a journey together.

We thought we could reach our destination, silly us, and be happy at last.

Alone, yet together in our love, our connection and our conviction was strong.

But the destination was too far away.

Too far out of reach and our journey was cut short when you let go of my hand.

You lost faith then. You called me a dreamer, you told me that dream and reality collide and when they do, it's the dream that crashes not reality. Never reality…

And you couldn't go on living like that, in limbo. You needed safety and stability.

I was too young and immature to realize, you said.

But couldn't you see that losing my parents had forced me to grow up, mature well beyond my age would suggest?

In some ways, I may be even more mature than you.

More serious and decisive – because I had to – and maybe that was why you failed to understand me.

_Maybe I am one step ahead of you, Vicky, maybe I have already taken the leap of faith and I am now waiting for you to do the same.  
_

_Maybe I am already there.  
_

_Did you think about that Vicky? _

Are you afraid? Is that it?

Afraid of what people will say because I am younger?

I thought you were a rebel… Or does that rebellious streak of yours exhaust itself to your fashion choices, limited to trivial stuff?

But these are the wrong choices, Vicky.

Your hair, your clothes, your words, they don't matter as much as your actions.

They don't matter, unless you back them up with actions.

So, yes, you may be cheeky and insolent, but deep inside you are afraid.

You are a scared, little girl who has folded itself one too many times trying to fit in in everyone's expectations and desires.

Deep down you long for acceptance, for a facade of conformity, for someone to tell you it's OK not to be as good and competent as everyone else.

School is not everything.

You should know that.

Life is so much bigger than that.

So much bigger that it could devour you, drown you if you let it.

It could be the current on which you float but the point is not floating, Vicky, just let life pass you by.

The point is to swim, to dive in and be one with the current.

The point is not to let it intimidate you or dictate your actions.

The point is to make a difference, make a statement and say: "_Here I am and I am swimming, you haven't buried me under you yet and you never will!"_

I know you are afraid, Vicky but I will be there when you decide to dive in.

I will linger here for you.

_I am already in the water, baby, I am already wet with the liquid of life and my tears and sometimes I am cold, sometimes I am tired, sometimes the current is too deep or too dark for me and though I have thought about it, I haven't given up. _

I haven't given up, not because I am brave, but because there's something that takes my fear and hesitation away and that is you Vicky and the fact that you are still there on the shore looking at me.

Your eyes fixed on my face.

You are wavering and shivering, burdened by past mistakes and doubts, yet you remain where you are.

You haven't walked away yet.

And maybe I am reaching here, but maybe, just maybe I am what's keeping you here too and you only need an excuse, a reason to take my hand again, my hand that is already outstretched towards you longing for your touch, and swim with me…

And I am going to give you that reason, Vicky…

I love you…

FIN


End file.
